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"They Think I'm Lying." Why Autistic Adults Are Often Misunderstood and How We Can Do Better
- Kathryn DuBray, DSW, LMSW
- 2 days ago
- 4 min read
Imagine telling the truth, only to have people assume you're lying. Not because of what you said. But because of how you said it.
For many autistic adults, this is a lived experience. Growing research suggests that autistic individuals are often perceived as less credible, less trustworthy, and more deceptive than their neurotypical peers, even when they are being completely honest. These misperceptions can affect employment, education, healthcare, relationships, and even interactions with the legal system. At Anniston Academy, we believe understanding these differences is an essential part of creating truly neuroaffirming environments.
The Research
One of the most influential studies on this topic was published in the Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders by Lim, Young, and Brewer. Researchers asked more than 1,400 people to evaluate truthful interviews given by autistic and non-autistic adults.
The results were striking.
Despite telling the truth, autistic participants were consistently rated as:
Less believable
Less trustworthy
Less credible
More deceptive
Perhaps the most important finding was this:
The autistic participants were not actually being more deceptive. Observers simply perceived them that way.
The researchers also found these judgments could not be explained by one specific behavior, such as avoiding eye contact or speaking differently. Instead, people appeared to judge the autistic person's overall presentation through a neurotypical lens. In other words, the problem wasn't honesty. The problem was perception.
Why Does This Happen?
Society has spent decades teaching people to rely on body language to determine whether someone is telling the truth.
We've all heard statements like:
"Look me in the eye."
"She's fidgeting—she must be hiding something."
"He doesn't seem sincere."
"She won't smile."
The problem? Research has repeatedly shown that these assumptions are poor indicators of deception for anyone. For autistic individuals, they're even less reliable.
Many autistic people naturally communicate differently.
They may:
Avoid or limit eye contact.
Have a flat or reduced facial expression.
Process language before responding.
Use fewer gestures.
Speak with an atypical tone or cadence.
Stim or move their bodies while talking.
Communicate very literally.
Struggle to produce socially expected facial expressions under stress.
None of these behaviors indicate dishonesty. They are simply different ways of communicating.
The Cost of Misunderstanding
When autistic adults are viewed as less credible, the consequences can be significant.
Research suggests these perceptions may influence:
Job interviews
Workplace evaluations
Healthcare appointments
Friendships
Romantic relationships
School disciplinary decisions
Police interviews
Courtroom testimony
Imagine trying to advocate for yourself while others mistake your anxiety for guilt.
Or your delayed response for dishonesty. Or your lack of eye contact for disrespect. These aren't character flaws, they are simply communication differences.
The Double Empathy Problem
For many years, autism research focused almost exclusively on the idea that autistic people struggle with communication. More recently, researchers have proposed a different framework known as the Double Empathy Problem, introduced by autism researcher Dr. Damian Milton. This theory suggests that communication challenges are often mutual. Autistic people and non-autistic people may simply communicate using different social expectations.
Misunderstandings occur because each group interprets the other's behavior through its own framework. Rather than asking autistic people to constantly change who they are, the Double Empathy Problem challenges all of us to become more flexible communicators.
What Does Being Neuroaffirming Look Like?
Being neuroaffirming doesn't mean lowering expectations.
It means:
Understanding that delayed responses often reflect processing, NOT deception.
Accepting that someone can be deeply engaged without looking directly at you.
Asking clarifying questions instead of making character judgments.
Valuing communication differences rather than trying to erase them.
Assuming competence before assuming intent.
How Families, Educators, and Professionals Can Help
Instead of asking:
"Why won't they look at me?"
Ask:
"Are they processing?"
Instead of thinking:
"They seem suspicious."
Ask:
"Am I judging them by neurotypical social rules?"
Instead of expecting autistic people to perform typical body language, learn what authentic communication looks like for them. Because authenticity doesn't always look the same.
Our Commitment at Anniston Academy
At Anniston Academy, we don't teach children to mask who they are in order to appear more trustworthy. We teach communication, self-advocacy, emotional regulation, and social understanding while honoring each student's authentic neurology.
Our goal isn't to make autistic children look neurotypical. Our goal is to help build a world where neurodivergent communication is understood rather than misinterpreted.
Because every child, and every adult, deserves to be believed based on the content of their words, not whether they make eye contact while saying them.
References
Brewer, N., Lim, A., & Young, R. L. (2022). Autistic Adults May Be Erroneously Perceived as Deceptive and Lacking Credibility. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders.
Milton, D. E. M. (2012). On the Ontological Status of Autism: The Double Empathy Problem. Disability & Society.
Cage, E., & Troxell-Whitman, Z. (2019). Understanding the Reasons, Contexts and Costs of Camouflaging for Autistic Adults. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders.
Vrij, A. (2008). Detecting Lies and Deceit: Pitfalls and Opportunities. (Summarizes decades of research demonstrating that common behavioral cues such as eye contact and fidgeting are poor indicators of deception.)
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